Entomophobia and Interviews
by jay5merlin
Summary: Some of you may remember LL's obsession with mosquitoes. What if he was obsessed with all things insecty? And what if he went of for a random interview for no apparent reason other than it fits with the story line? Better than it sounds. One-shot


**A.N. I wrote this originally with the main character being called Justin Green :D I changed a lot of stuff to try and make it seem futuristic, but I may be wrong on a few points. Sorry about this. Entomophobia is fear of insects.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Entomophobia and Interviews**

I parked my red hover car as close to the XCF building as possible. I would have driven right inside it if possible, but unfortunately the titanium double doors were approximately twenty six centimetres too small for me to fit through. Still, at least I was wearing my coat which had a voluminous hood. Pulling it over my head, I made a dash for the entrance and hurtled through the door as fast as my bunions would allow. Safe, I thought, for now anyway.

The lift was a swanky affair. Panelled with mirrors on every side that shone like a bald man's head, and the floor was marble. I was unable to ascertain whether it was genuine marble or not, as I am not the expert on these matters. I shuffled out once it reached the 9th floor, feeling shabby in my second hand cyber suit amongst the many business people that thronged like well-dressed ants in the hallway. _Ants,_ I thought, and shuddered subtly.

I was shown into a small yet less than modest office by an attractive brunette secretary, whose skirt was slightly too tight around her rear end. "Mrs Pierce will see you now," she lisped, and she sashayed out and back down the corridor.

The aforementioned Mrs Pierce was seated in a high backed swivel chair, and as she swung round to face me and crossed her legs in one swift movement, I felt briefly like James Bond, the secret agent from the 20th century, facing up to a criminal mastermind. I even found myself looking for a fluffy white cat lurking in her lap. "Mr Ranz, welcome to XCF!" she cried suddenly, in a fruity voice that would put any self respecting cherry to shame. "It's Garth, isn't it?"

I nodded, but realised that she must know my name was Garth and the whole deal was just a façade put on to newcomers. Sunlight was streaming in through the windows at the opposite end of the office and alighting upon an e-paper in her hand. Through the translucent material I could clearly see the words printed on the other side. I was my CV.

"Please, do sit down," said Mrs Pierce, devastating half the apple population of Earth as she did so. "Now, Garth, the reason I have asked you to come here for an interview at XCF is…"

At this point, I heard her no more. My eyes were transfixed to the open window, and all I could hear was my cold blood pounding through my head. A large black fly had landed on the window sill, and was scurrying along the edge. It halted for a second to extend its hideous mouth parts, and then ran its hairy legs over its greasy wings. For a moment I could have sworn it looked at me, taunting me with its ugly, ignorant eyes. It scuttled closer to the inside of the window, and the temperature of my feet plummeted to about -10 degrees centigrade. _You take one germ infested step inside, and you are dead, _I thought.

"Garth? Mr Ranz? Mr Ranz?! I say, Mr Ranz!"

I snapped back to reality, cracking my head on the back of my chair as I did so. "Oh, er, yes?"

"Are you all right Mr Ranz?" asked Mrs Pierce, peering into my eyes in an interrogating manner. _Like a giant grasshopper _I thought-_No! Don't think about that now! _"Oh, er, I just, wondered if maybe we could close the window, it's a bit cold." I replied, as casually as possible. Before she could reply I dived across the room, tripping over a power cable as I went, and slammed the window closed as I fell to the floor. "Well!" I cried, leaping to my feet and striking a pose that I hoped looked vaguely like Charles I on his impossibly over sized horse. "Shall we continue?"

Mrs Pierce seemed dumbstruck for a moment. She stroked a nonexistent beard. She probably sung a small portion of opera in her head, but who am I to judge? "Yes, quite, Mr Ranz. Now, as I was saying certain members of the workforce here at XCF will be travelling to Titan in a few months time for an important conference, and I would…"

Again, I heard her words no more. The fly. Had come in. Through the window. I could see it, flying in drunken circles round the room, all four wings moving independently to allow for optimum control. It was moving towards my head, coming closer and closer, I could hear the buzzing now closer and closer, it was about to land "Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrgh…"

"What was that, Mr Ranz?"

"Argh! Ah! Aha! I, er, have a question. Ah! When-when does the conference take place in Titan?"

"Well, I'm glad you asked. You see…"

Phew, that had been close. Now, where was that evil being, that hideous creature, that alien monster? But I could no longer see its gruesome black form; no longer hear its sickening drone. I sensed something on my forehead, a tickle, like tiny feet scuttling across my brow. The scuttling feet moved from one side of my head to the other. The terrible realisation hit me. The room spun, time slowed down, and the floor jumped up in front of my face and grinned menacingly. My hand reached up involuntarily to grab a support, and thankfully I managed to get hold of something strong and supportive. It seemed to be made of fabric, quite thick fabric. A spare pair of trousers perhaps, yes, that's it a trousers. Then it occurred to me: _Why are there trousers right next to my chair where previously there were none? And why would they be there anyway?_

I recovered and slowly raised my head, again feeling like I was in a moment from a film. This was the scene were the good guy has been knocked down, and, suddenly feeling a surge of strength and courage, raises his head to face the enemy, and, inevitably, win. It seemed to me a shame it wasn't raining. Then I wondered if perhaps I related life too much to films. Lets face it, I was feeling a sudden wave of bravery, nor was I about to defeat my demons. My eyes followed the path my head had taken, to see the fabric I was now clinging to…A black skirt…Further up, a pair of piercing grey eyes, belonging to the only human member of the cherry population. _Ooer_.

"_Excuse me, _Mr Ranz?"

"Oh, ah, yes, er, um, yes, er, aaarrgh!" I leapt to my feet, crashed through the sliding doors and ran screaming down the corridor, down the stairs, and out of the cursed building back to the safety of my cosy red hover car. I sat down, stopped screaming and considered my predicament. It didn't look good. I put the key in the ignition, and drove away as fast as the considerably thick traffic would allow.

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**Er, well I hope it's ok.**

**Jay**


End file.
